So it's 430 am and I'm WIIIIDE awake... ah well, what better excuse to blog than feeling like your eyes no longer have lids? Besides, it's been ages since I posted. Time to check in to the mother planet.
This fatgrrl was on a roll for a while, the new scooter (I call her Bella Vino) was pure fun for just over a week, and then I crashed it, doing a lame-o newbie maneuver coming out of the driveway, hit the throttle too hard + hit the curb = sore shoulder and scratched up scoot, and luckily, the worst damage was my ego. For 3 days I felt like the biggest idiot. It was all borne out of being rusty, not having driven a 2 wheeled motorized vehicle for over 20 years. Let this be a lesson: even if you're experienced, get a refresher course. Now I'm doing my own refresher course in a parking lot, because I realize I need practice doing things like tight turns, obstacle avoidance and quick braking. I'm also investigating how to do my own oil changes and bike maintenance, and I bought some snazzy new protective gear. My favorite is a surprisingly economical white and silver mesh jacket (tres cool for the hot summer) with protective armor in the shoulders, elbows and back.
The irony is with the shoulder injury, doing serious swimming (ie the crawl hurts) has been off my list for the last 2 weeks. So I'm basically not doing any real exercise right now. Because of my hernia and plantar fasciitis, I'm not able to run, weight train, or bike strenuously for at least this month, when I get rechecked by the doctors. Because I have a scooter, I'd rather just use it rather than bike around town. So I'm worried. Will I gain weight? Well, in the short term, it seems not. My weight seems stable, but it has only been 2 weeks. But I figure in another week I can pick up swimming again.
I'm trying to be sane about eating and exercise, but I think it's just as easy to fall into compulsive exercising as compulsive eating. Sometimes, if I'm honest here, I think I exercise to avoid doing things that might help me more with my life issues, ie such icky things as meditation and writing. It actually might be a gift to be among the walking wounded at least temporarily to make me see that I need to do some more in depth work on my emotional issues.
Right now I'm continuing in weekly sessions with a therapist, and I've just started another group therapy session with other former patients of a gp who specialized in treating people with addictions of all sorts. He moved to another province, but we're still going. After 2 sessions, it seems to be helpful in me addressing painful issues I want to look at and also cutting myself a mental break. I beat myself up a lot mentally, I think I learned that one from my parents who could be cruel to themselves and me too, with the best of misguided intentions. This is not easy stuff, it's painful to look at, but if I want to stay a normal weight and not be a raving nutter, it seems I have to do it.
