Maybe I'm too quick to dismiss this whole Seasonal Affective Disorder thing. The weekend was sunny and I felt better. I've also cranked the light box up to x-tra high, and leave it on for an hour or so. I don't feel so bad. I think I'm at about 65%. And then there was a news item on the national news about how doctors are seeing a big increase in people with low moods this fall, when the east coast has had one of the most overcast fall seasons in almost 60 years.
I'm tired of the guilt, of the shame of feeling like I'm doing something wrong. To HELL with it. Now I have to try and live that out, and stop slinking around with my tail shoved under my butt. I wish humans did still have tails. But only involuntary ones that wagged or sagged in true response to one's feelings. I keep up a good front when I'm not so low I have to take to my bed. Unfortunately, it's mostly a front.
Thank god the food is ok. I've not been going to any meetings, I've just felt too low, too vulnerable, yet I fear that this is going to catch up with me. But my support group doesn't feel like a support group any more. My disease is using it against me. I can't go to them for support, I feel like as an "old-timer" I think I have to be the support, and I don't feel up to it. I've got to change something here.
3 comments:
Hi Maggie - I wrote a comment on your previous post but my internet connection was being a pain (sometimes I think my ISP uses a hamster in a wheel) so my comment didn't go through. Anyway, I'm glad you're feeling better. I've thought about the light box too. I think the sun and mood have a connection. Our planet revolves around the sun afterall. Maybe instead of OA group you could find one for people with SAD or new runners or artist groups or something so you're getting support/exposure but it's new to you. Maybe some fresh stimulus will help. Take care.
Hey Mags,
I'm happy to hear you are on a climb to happiness again!!! The weather probably is a big indicator of mood we have consistently had a grey year starting in May, definitely not enough sun...I think we should head to Cuba for a couple of weeks!!
Take Care,
Lets get together for coffee before Christmas
Tiff
Thanks for the support, Misti & Tiff!
Y'all (or is that "all y'all"?) bring up some good issues, like is my support group working for me now, do I need a change?
And I'm starting to dream about some southern sun... Tiff, let's talk!!!
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