I don't usually post in the evening, but I've had so little time to write in the mornings that it's now or never. I'm ticked off I've been posting so little. I've wondered if this meant the end of my blog for a while, but I think posting is good for my health. Who cares where it is or isn't going. I've spent too much of my life worrying about end product.
True to form, I've spent the last week worrying. The unthinkable happened: we bought and sold a house in what seem like good deals in around a month, and everything is moving more or less smoothly. After some great euphoria over this, the worry found its way back in. And why not? It's my default position. Just like being hungry. When in doubt, worry, then eat! That's how, kiddies, you get back on the binge-o-matic! Whee!
Someone in a meeting this morning said, "I don't know what's wrong, but my food's up. It will come to me soon." I nodded, because that's what I'm recognizing in myself the longer I hang around the 12-step "rooms": I'm still lousy at figuring out why I'm not feeling happy some days, but I realize that I am unhappy about the same time the hunger rises. I guess I'm healthier these days, because I get good and miserable before I start to binge. I don't look forward to these lousy feelings, but it beats the alternative. It's as if there is some antediluvian part of my brain that is slowly learning to recognize a negative emotion before my digestive tract does!
Not that I'm perfect at this. I'm no food nun. But rather than fantasizing about diving into a dozen donuts, I usually find I'm snacking on a few more baby carrots, pickles and other veg. If this doesn't help the hunger and it's not meal time I go, "Duh? Wazzup? Aw crap, what is it now?"
No comments:
Post a Comment