Amazing how many times I start a post with the title "Back...". Guess that's the theme of life. It's not linear, it's actually more resembling a circle, or more aptly, a spiral. You get up every morning, do mostly the same stuff, it all seems so routine.
Except I've been out of my routine lately. New house that's actually about 80 years old. New town that I lived in twice before, the most recently about 16 years previous. Plus ça change... anyway. And then I fell into the gmail/blogger/beta trap and accessing my account for a couple of weeks was tortuous. I just stopped bothering, and I think part of it was I was feeling depressed enough that I didn't feel like trying. After all, who would want to hear what I was going to say?...
Today I feel like I've been in a total funk. Got very very little accomplished unless you count reading mystery novels (Gail Bowen gets better and better) drinking coffee, and playing Luxor. Oh yeah, and phoned my shrink and moaned and sniffled for 3/4 of an hour. She, as usual, encourages me strongly to attend a 12 step meeting. Oh ugh.
I know she's right. But right now I'd rather do anything but. I think the honeymoon stage with OA is certainly over for me. Right now it feels like that part of your marriage when you look at your partner and think "Fuck, aren't we in a rut. Who the hell are you??" Hey, I just passed year 21 married to Fuzz a couple of weeks ago. I've seen this pattern before. Over and over. There are ups and downs, big and little. And you stick it out.
Sigh. I'll let you know if I ever got to that meeting. I've got more chance of going running tonight. Anything to avoid confronting the problem directly. At least I'll get some exercise, get some endorphins going.
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