Lessons Learned

I thought I should update my photo, so you would know what I look like now, as opposed to 2005 when I started writing this... So there I am. How do you like my airbrushed dark glasses? I got tired of the Dame Edna look, although you can still see them on my old photo from 1995. Maybe I'll modify that someday too.

I'm much calmer than I was when I wrote the previous post. Life has returned to normal, I'm back at work, choir is back in session as we prepare for our concert in a couple of weeks. A bunch of my OA friends are having birthdays (not OA anniversaries as such, what my friend M distinguishes as "bellybutton" birthdays) so there has been absolutely no post Christmas celebration come down. Just the opposite: it's kind of like, oh enough of the celebrations! But only because I am so aware how social eating and the portion/richness magnification can send me into a tizzy (See my previous post).

I wonder if there is a plan I can put into place to counteract this. I think I'll talk to my food buddy to see what she has to suggest. Or maybe, ooh boy, here's a concept!... Talk to my OA sponsor! What can I do about the food portion magnification? That craving for more...

When I eat a normal meal at home it is a discrete portion. There's just Fuzz and me (I don't know what I would do if I had to cook for a larger family) and yet I don't always just make enough for one meal, but the leftovers aren't generally a problem, usually because I can just save them for another meal. However, there is nibbling that goes on, I have to be honest. And I usually don't stress out over it. Maybe I have to be clear and tolerant of my emotions and behaviours and say that often I will eat a little more, whether it's while cleaning up or during preparation. And since my definition of food abstinence is to not binge, I'm ok.

On the other hand, I'd like to lose a few pounds because my size 8 jeans have been a little tight since the hernia/tummy tuck surgery last winter, and I've even bought a size 10 pair in the spring. So, if I want to lose weight, the nibbling is maybe the obvious thing I want to look at. On the other hand (how many hands do I need here? Maybe I should move onto feet!!!) it's not an easy habit to change. It's so easy to slip a little something into into my mouth while cooking, or say, hey, I want a little piece of cheese... It may be "just nibbles", but it will take work to change it. It's so automatic, I still find myself with the refrigerator door open in front of me before I know what I'm doing! This I do need to talk to my sponsor and other programme people about, because while I want to change this behaviour, I don't want to turn into a hair-shirt, self flagellating, weight loss nun.

I know my psyche is all in a tizzy about a couple of arts workshops I'm doing with kids in a couple of weeks. I have to do some prep for these and also prepare myself emotionally for it because kids care me silly. (Don't tell them, they can smell the fear!) Yesterday, I was freaked out enough about it, it woke me up before dawn. Today, having prepped a bit for it, and interestingly, discussing it with two friends who have spontaneously offered to help me with it, I'm feeling much calmer. I have to do the groundwork here, and it's amazing how the fear shrinks as I reach out for support!