Diabetes Saves Life!?

Well, it might have saved mine.

I'm a real slug today. I thought there was something wrong with my abs, they were all crampy, but add up itchy eyes, dizziness, and rumbly tum and the fact that I was falling asleep at the computer after over 9 hours sleep and Fuzz said, "hm, sounds like something I had last week", and I discover I may have a virus. That may also explain my depressed mood. Everything was fine yesterday, today I have as much energy as an icecube.

I got to thinking, illness is interesting, because the diagnosis of such is not always as bad as it initially seems. In fact, I'm grateful they discovered it in me about 6 years ago, because it was enough of a kick to the head to start me on a path to better health, both physically, and emotionally. It came at a particularly loaded time: 4 months before, my father died of a massive stroke. Six months, to the day, before that, my mother died from lung cancer. I was an only child and I felt like death was now breathing down my neck. For a couple of days after the diabetes (and, oh yes, high blood pressure was found too), I was a mess, depressed and pessimistic at my chances.

I struggled through a seminar for the newly diagnosed that my doctor sent me to. The other participants also looked pretty solemn, and in some of them I saw defiance --- I have to do what??? I was lucky, though. My disease was still mild, too mild to even warrant any medication yet, so the prescription was basically thus: monitor your sugars, and "lifestyle changes". Oh ugh.

The old mantras were back: diet and exercise. How many times had I been on a diet in my life? Off or on, always the same thing... At 300 pounds at age 37, I knew it was a good possibility my arteries were already half full of cream cheese (minus the lox, alas).

But I couldn't shake that image of the grim reaper coming for me, and that, as a visual artist, I'd have a hard time if I went blind. What I couldn't imagine was the trip I had started on. Ok, gotta hit an OA meeting... I'll write a little more on my wild trip into the land of life threatening disease tomorrow.

I was reading a series of articles on diabetes treatments and challenges on the New York Times archive today. I'm amazed how good their website is, and except for some editorial sections, free. You have to sign up as a user, but that's it.