I didn't post much last week. Three posts that I had in the edit stage stayed there because they were just whining about how blah I felt. The November blues hit with a vengeance last week because it was a particularly grey, cold one with lashings of freezing rain and ice pellets and finally a little snow. And my poor scooter was sitting forlornly outside the kitchen window and I felt guilty, like a neglectful pet owner. I sat with my blue light box to try and blast the blues away, kept up megadoses of Vitamin D, but it didn't seem to work. I felt like a schmuck. I slept more, I played hooky from the studio. But I talked to others about it, and surprise, surprise, they felt the same way! I wasn't some depressive dolt, everyone else was coping with it more or less the same way I was, ie, dragging their sorry butt around.
Finally it thawed out yesterday enough that I was able to slough the ice off the scooter and Fuzz and I manhandled it down the back steps to the walk-in basement, so it's now at least warm and dry. I still have to remove the battery and change the oil, but at least I can do it someplace minimally warm, which is what the low ceilinged, not much more than a crawlspace area at the back of the basement is. I'm actually looking forward to tinkering with her over the winter, and I might decide to remove all her plastic cosmetic bits (which is almost all of the painted areas --- my Bella is in essence a scooter made of Tupperware, LOL!) to do some sort of fancy paint job on her. I'm thinking a leopardskin effect, maybe using some cool paint with metallic copper flake in it and incorporating some ultra reflective stickers for better visibility at night.
And strangely enough, yesterday, although it was a Sunday, was a really good day. Have I mentioned before that for some reason, I loathe Sundays? Often I look forward to what is usually an unstructured day where I can just read the paper, putter around, etc. but then I just become glued to the couch or bed and get quite depressed. But the last couple of Sundays have been good, and I think it has something to do with the fact that I have been putting some structure into them, ie, making plans for that day. And I don't mean planiing depressing stuff like laundry or other housework, although it usually fits in somewhere, but last week Fuzz and I walked downtown for brunch, and then I had a rehearsal with a group of people who I'm going caroling with. This Sunday was the scooter move, which had to be done early because Fuzz had a folk festival meeting at noon, so then I went to the Y for a workout. Then lunch and another caroling rehearsal, and then supper and we watched the Grey Cup (Canada's Superbowl but with much less hype --- oh so Canadian!) and so I didn't turn into a total slug until 8 or 9 pm. Not bad. I think this says I should plan stuff for Sundays, including phyisical activity and social things, or I get depressed.
Still, I pushed it too late last night. I was entering all my data into my new Palm Treo. Then I got the munchies. Well, like that couldn't be predicted... Staying up late after Fuzz crashes often ends badly. But the good news is, I ate leftover roast cauliflower and just about a tsp of cream cheese. I finally heeded the voice in my head yelling "OK, get your ass to bed NOW!" I'm lucky I got off with just that! Jeez Louise, it's not like this stuff is brain surgery, but it takes such a long time to internalize these things. I just have to keep repeating these lessons over and over again until I believe that late night + isolation = trouble every time. The problem is that enough times it's not trouble, but only enough that I lull myself into complacency just in time for the next slipup. That's why I have to keep telling myself to not do it at all. It seems extreme, but I have seen the alternative enough times that it has to be this way.
On the good front, it's Day 27 and no binge eating.
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