My Hungry Ghost

I had a devil of a time getting my butt out of bed this morning. It could be an easy day, I have absolutely nothing scheduled. But when I have an unscheduled day, it seems to be hijacked by my "shoulds" and I feel like crap. I finally struggled to life while half listening (& half snoozing) to a radio interview with the doctor and writer Gabor Mate. He works with addicts in Vancouver, and they also interviewed residents and other staff at a residential hotel for addicts and street people. I woke up when I heard the phrase "step work" and it piqued my attention, because I thought, "Hm, I feel like crap, I should be doing step work." More shoulds but maybe it's true.

I listened to Dr. Mate talk about his idea that the addict is trying to self soothe. I know that feeling, the one that thinks, if I can just eat this, buy this, get this, do this I will feel better. And it works. For about 2 seconds. And then it starts over again. He uses the Bhuddist concept (again with those Bhuddists!) of the hungry ghost that can never be sated. As a compulsive eater, I can certainly identify with that. Dr. Mate also talked about the complicated trail of genetics and early experience that sets us up to be addicts (of substances or of behaviours), that brain scans show that our brains have been definitely altered, and maybe that alteration was not due to the addiction, but actually caused the addiction. I don't know if it has been done, but it would be interesting to see any study of random images to see if it were possible to predict who would become an addict.

His book is called "In the Realm of the Hungry Ghosts" and I plan to pick one up. Maybe I should do it today. It might inspire me. I need something, I feel like a total lump. Ok, get dressed, get out into the rain, pick up a couple of things, and get into the studio. I'll feel better then. I hope. I'm trying to self soothe, but it's tough.