You may think me terminally antisocial, but I think I have reached the age where I can declare with some certainty that I would appreciate never having to attend another shower: bridal, baby, jack and jill, buck and doe, jack and jack, jill and jill, whatever. I don't mind attending a wedding, particularly if there will be cake and dancing, but for a shower please just accept that I'll send a gift (no, actually, I'll just send a card and money) but I don't wanna go. Obviously it's been a long time since I went to one, because I forgot how much I dislike them until yesterday when I went to one for an OA friend. She's a very nice woman, all the other women there were very nice and normally a lot of fun, there were no lame shower games, but there is just something that is just so stilted or dated about the concept.
Maybe it's because we're living in a time where we are well aware that prince charming is a myth and happily forever after is too, or that the apex of a woman's life is not necessarily her marriage. Babies are probably another matter, but don't ask me because I am happily child-free. Even there, most mothers who haven't been nipping at the Amontillado during Oprah will admit that being a mommy isn't always love, flowers and Mr. Clean moments, more like 15-20 years of sleep deprivation, debt, driving to karate, soccer, ballet, homework tutors, teacher conferences or parole hearings.
Of course, this just begs for my best friend, who seems happily settled in non-married monogamy with her partner of almost 10 years (and 6 year old child) to have a mini stroke and decide she needs two extra toasters and a fondue set or five and I'll find myself in shower organization hell...
What this has to do with my compulsive eating is: it's just so easy to self-sabotage my efforts to be there for myself. I left that shower about 2 hours after I should have, and in a foul mood. While grinding my teeth on the drive home, I realized that I had once again abandoned myself at some point during the day. Instead of leaving after the first hour and a half of not having much fun, I stayed for hours of increasing tedium. I got locked back into my default "duty" mode, you know, the one I learned eons ago as the dutiful daughter, dutiful granddaughter, dutiful student, dutiful wife, dutiful friend.... Oh God, Oedipus didn't poke out his eyes because he had slept with his mother, he blinded himself because he had become her! I was practically a Stepford, I was so not in in my body, one of those things that in the bad old days was regularly soothed by a dozen doughnuts or another half pizza.
That's it, showers are going on my abstinence list!
1 comment:
I too hate showers. Especially organizing them. A bunch of people getting together who do not know one another...and it's not an OA meeting. No thanks.
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