Sigh... I've been in a lousy mood tonight. Freezing rain putting a kink in my schedule. So I've been mostly moping on the couch.
Two things I'm noticing:
1. When I feel threatened, I cook. See previous post. Great security blanket. Fuzz doesn't mind, he loves my security blankets. Today's soup turned out wonderfully: Ham and romano bean with kale and ancho chile, a little pesto stirred in at the end to perk up the flavour. My anxiety over my surgery translates into cooking. Tomorrow I feel like climbing into a nice cozy lasagna.
2. I'm middle aged, but people still threaten me. I feel so damn vulnerable to their ideas and opinions. I said to someone today, "I don't want to spend time with X because I feel like I'll catch crazy from them!" And they replied, "How could that possibly happen?" Logically it can't, yet emotionally I feel pulled away from my own brain. I just feel like I get sucked into their orbit and I'm unable to extract myself from that vortex. My head empties, I become a chameleon, I blend into their wallpaper. I talked to 3 people on the phone today, and I just wasn't able to do anything but play along.
What a nut job I am. This is going to take a LOT of work.
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