I just had another craving. There's some leftover pizza in the fridge, it's one of my favorite foods, and it's calling to me. It did so last night too. Food addict has craving. News, it's not.
The amazing (to me) thing is that I can now look at these cravings with some detachment and say, "oh, it's you again" and know that if I tell myself "no, I'm not going to have it, and I'll feel better soon" the craving invariably disappears and quite quickly as my fractured attention forgets about it and moves onto something else, like, a newspaper article on podcasting, or something as pathetically mundane as a funny ad on tv. A little while later I will remember I was just in the midst of a craving that felt like the end of the world, but now is just a memory. I'll smirk to myself and go to bed. Most of them happen in the evening.
Why can I do this now when a few years ago I couldn't go 3 days without a binge? The answer is frustratingly circuitous. Well, tomorrow I will celebrate one year since I had a binge, and I've had enough of these cravings that I haven't acted on, that I know what will happen. It feels really strong, I don't act on it, I forget I'm having one, it disappears. Basically, the cycle was broken. The first couple of times I had to phone an OA person, or pray, as one person in a meeting said "like a bastard" to whatever higher power keeps "normal" beings from self destructing.
Hm. Look at that. It's noon. I can have lunch. I guess... maybe I'll have a cup of coffee first. Freakin' amazing.
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