My Multiple Personalities

Sometimes I just have to shake my head at this divided brain I have.

After a couple of years in Overeaters Anonymous I started working with a local MD who specializes in treating people who struggle with addictions. As a compulsive overeater and the daughter of an alcoholic, I was ready to start addressing some issues. Now, he's leaving town to take a position at a university in western Canada, and some of his other patients have organized a goodbye evening for him at a local library. They're selling tickets to cover the cost of room rental, and he's going to give a parting speech. What got me thinking was the fact that they are asking people to bring food for a finger food buffet for after.

At first, I was miffed. "Hmph! Why don't they just ask his alcoholic patients to provide wine?" I sniffed. However, that was quickly followed by this thought: "Hey, maybe I can make those cute chocolate cupcakes I found that recipe for!"

I don't know what I'm actually going to do. I don't know if this is a healthy or food obsessed response, but often times over the last couple of years I have made a fancy dessert for an event, and that way I can have a piece and have others eat the leftovers so I won't fall into my old pattern of eating the whole thing. On the other hand, my choir has social evenings a few times a year and if I don't feel like making something special I take nothing at all and then actually don't approach the food table and just have some tea or coffee, which also works for me.

I don't think there's any one right approach for someone who has an eating disorder, because, unlike an alcoholic, we have to eat to live and I'm determined that the eating I do is pretty healthy and tasty, and sometimes a little something decadent or greasy just feels right. But then it may feel as if I've just fed my dragon a little too much and he's gotten fired up enough he's going to be difficult to stuff back in his cage. You know my dragon, he's the one my sponsor says we are obliged to take out of its cage for a walk at least 3 times a day!