Well, this has been an interesting day. This has been a fairly unstructured week, as Fuzz is on March break. A couple of hours ago I was a little depressed because I felt like I wasn't accomplishing much today, but now it's nearly 6 pm and I think I maybe I needed a day of not doing much so I could clean up the cartoons above to post, and while adjusting them, I thought about how much my life has changed just from when I originally drew them in 2006.
I don't actually spend many days in bed anymore. In fact, I don't think I've done that in months. Not that there is anything wrong with that.... I still may spend the morning there, reading, having breakfast, or writing, but I don't hide there so much any more. I guess I'm dealing with life a little more. It's not perfect, but when I can stop, turn around and see where I was and where I am, there has been a definite shift. I've worked on changing and it's often little habits that I have to change: Not hanging onto grievances, letting stuff go, cutting myself a break. I'm starting to appreciate the value of being a little flaky and having a bad memory, and how strenuous physical activity can ground my brain when it just wants to float around in a worry-filled ether.
The other day a sponsee asked how I did it. She meant lose all that weight and not regain much of it. And I replied that I could be in dangerous territory again tomorrow, it's not like I suddenly got a get-off-free pass. I haven't been able to get hold of my OA sponsor to talk to her about it yet, but I did briefly touch on it with my therapist the next day. She replied that maybe I had developed a good enough appreciation for how my feelings could control my eating. Perhaps. But I am constantly in danger of forgetting that, it's a slippery one, and that selective memory is the nature of my beast. That's why I have to keep working on it, going to meetings. I think about the only way I can ensure that some things stay in the past is work on the present
No comments:
Post a Comment