Nerves

I'm a bit keyed up because I've got my last appointment with my addictions doc before he leaves town next month. A bit??? More than a bit; my head is humming like I've had 5 cups of coffee and I've only had one.

I'll still see him in 2 more recovery group sessions (dammit) which are only slightly less enjoyable than having a tooth filled. These people really drive me nuts, push my buttons, raise my defensive hackles, make me want to scream and I've often left the sessions in tears. They make me crazy like my parents only used to, or is it they show me just how crazy I can get? Next to them, an OA meeting is a stroll in the park.

I'll be glad to see the back end o' him, but I have to admit I'm scared too. My abstinence date from binge eating/purging is from one day before I started working with him/them and I'm not sure it's a complete coincidence.

But,
I've been told many times by the Doc and my friends in recovery, if I live the 12 steps of OA, I will place my faith in a higher power (that I do not necessarily always call God) that given me staying open to a healthy voice in meditation and prayer to whatever that force in the universe is that wants me to be healthy, will lead me to the next step I need to take in regaining emotional, spiritual and physical health.

It's a simple answer, but that doesn't mean it's easy.

But what choice do I have?