A Lesson Learned... er, RElearned...

I knew I was going through one of those "pink cloud" stages with the food. Two weeks ago I had changed my definition of abstinence to include no food outside of scheduled snacks in the evening. Then, Sunday night, I almost lost it. I got complacent, and I had not stayed in touch with my feelings. I had spent Sunday evening watching television, continually. Not a good thing. My mood was bad enough that the food could not be far behind. I was re-watching "Pride and Prejudice" for the nth time. Why? I think it reaches back to that princess/rescue syndrome so many women have...phooey. What a lousy place to be in.

Having stayed up too late, Fuzz already gone to bed, I decided I should make the morning's oatmeal at 1230. Ding ding ding!!!! That's what should have been going off in my brain. But no, it was like I had pressed some sort of override switch. And I just about lost my abstinence. I knew going in to the kitchen that I wanted to nibble on the almonds that I put in the oatmeal, but I ignored the warning signs. I had almost gotten through measuring out the ingredients, made it through the almonds, when, not thinking (I think!), I put some of the dried cranberries in my mouth. It seemed totally involuntary. I didn't spit them out, but I chewed them in shock. What was I doing?

Was it a break in abstinence I wonder? Maybe, but I'm going to give myself a pass on that one. It was, after all, only a few dried cranberries. (hmmm almost typed cramberries...Freudian, wot?) And I really didn't realize I had done it until I did it. But, I realized, I was in a very, very dangerous place. Crocodiles, oh those are just little harmless logs floating there, aren't they?...

The voice in me, fuelled by some deep longing I didn't want to recognize, howled "Mooore! Moooore!" and I realized that was my inner demon waking up, and I was in a very vulnerable spot. Just then it seemed like the most logical thing in the world to open the fridge and start digging for something... anything. I tossed the oatmeal together and threw it in the microwave. Then I hightailed it to Mr. Darcy in the living room, only coming back out to that very dangerous place to stir and then put the lid on when it was done. Then I fled to bed.

Lessons learned:

• It only takes me two weeks to get complacent.
• I WILL get complacent, and that's when it's dangerous.
• Not writing is trouble, and a sign of complacancy.
  
• Staying up late is trouble.
• Too much TV is trouble.
• I will stay up late and watch tv and then wonder why I'm having trouble.
• Being in the kitchen when Fuzz is asleep is dangerous.
• Being in the kitchen when Fuzz is asleep, I've watched too much tv, and it's late is practically suicidal.
  
• I've gotta call my sponsor.